Raising children is complex, and at times it can be tempting to say things that may not be in the best interest of our children. However, the things we say to our kids have a lasting effect on them, and we should always be aware of the language we choose. To help guide your parenting decisions, we’ve compiled a list of ten things you should never say to your kids.
1. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Shaming your kids will never lead to positive outcomes. When you shame your child, you are really trying to put them down and make them feel bad about themselves. This can damage their self-esteem and make it difficult for them to learn from their mistakes. Instead, encourage positive behavior by focusing on the good things your child does and providing constructive feedback.
2. “Why can’t you be like your sibling?”
No two siblings are the same. Comparing your kids to each other will only breed feelings of competition and resentment. Your children need to know that they are perceived as being unique and special individuals, not just an extension of their siblings.
3. “That’s not fair!”
Having expectations and setting boundaries for your kids is essential. We may think that we are being fair to our kids and that they should abide by the rules, but telling children that something isn’t fair can make them feel powerless and frustrated. Rather than telling them that something isn’t fair, explain why you are setting expectations and why they need to abide by them.
4. “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Children absorb the behavior of their parents, which is why it’s essential to set a good example for them. If you want your kids to become respectful, kind, and honorable adults, you must show them how to live those values. Don’t expect them to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself.
5. “You’re too young to understand.”
This statement is an insult to your child’s intelligence and maturity level. Children are capable of understanding complex concepts and discussions. They may not be able to articulate it as well as adults but they can take in information and internalize it. Respect their intelligence and explain difficult concepts to them in a way they can comprehend.
6. “You always…”
We tend to generalize our children’s behavior when they make mistakes. While it’s understandable that we are upset when they make mistakes, labeling them with statements like “you’re always making mistakes” can be damaging. Make sure to focus on your child’s mistakes rather than running them down as a whole.
7. “I’m not mad; I’m just disappointed.”
Many parents use this line to discipline their children without seeming too harsh. However, this statement can be confusing to your child. Are you not mad, or are you just trying not to show your anger? Be honest with your feelings and express your emotions, but also make sure to explain why you are mad and how they can fix the situation.
8. “That’s not important.”
What may seem unimportant to you may be important to your child. It’s important to recognize when your child is passionate about something and encourage them to pursue those passions. Even if the thing they are passionate about doesn’t seem important now, it may be in the future.
9. “You’re driving me crazy.”
No matter how frustrated you may be, never tell your child that they’re driving you crazy. This statement can damper your child’s self-esteem and make them feel like a burden. Instead, tell them you’re having difficulty handling the situation and ask for their help resolving the issue.
10. “This is why you’re never going to amount to anything.”
We all have dreams of our children becoming successful and accomplished individuals, but this type of statement can be incredibly damaging. Not only will it make your child feel like a failure, but it can also stunt their ambition and make them doubt their abilities. So instead, focus on the positives and provide encouragement and advice on how they can reach their goals.
Conclusion
As parents, it’s our job to set a good example and provide our children with the tools they need to grow and succeed. We understand that sometimes we may say things we don’t mean, but we must be aware of the language we choose. Following this list of ten things you should never say to your kids will ensure that you are providing them with the support, respect, and understanding they need.